I'm Scared to Pray Boldly

It amazes me how God always know exactly the encouragement I need to start my day.  This devotion is such a good reminder to me to keep talking to my God.  I don't understand what He is doing in my life, but I still need to be bold in asking Him for what I think I need trusting that He will provide me with what I really need.  I would appreciate prayers for Friday night as I have the opportunity to share about the Cancer Redemption Project in Tremont, Illinois.   

I'm Scared to Pray Bodly-Lysa TerKeurst 

“The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” James 5:16b (NIV)

I have to admit I’m sometimes scared to pray boldly.

It’s not at all that I don’t believe God can do anything. I absolutely do. I’m a wild-about-Jesus girl. Wild in my willingness. Wild in my obedience. Wild in my adventures with God.

After all, I think Jesus would rather rein in a wild stallion than kick a dead mule any day of the week.

So, my hesitation isn’t rooted in any kind of doubt about God. It’s more rooted in doubts about myself and my ability to absolutely discern the will of God. The reality is sometimes God chooses not to do things. And if His will is no, while I am boldly praying for a yes, it makes me feel out of step with God.

Can you relate?

I so desperately want to stay in the will of God that I find myself praying with clauses sometimes, like: God please heal my friend, but if it’s Your will to take her, I will trust You.

I wonder why I don’t just boldly pray: God, please heal my friend. And then stand confidently knowing my prayers were not in vain no matter what the outcome.

The reality is, my prayers don’t change God. But I am convinced prayer changes me. Praying boldly boots me out of that stale place of religious habit into authentic connection with God Himself.

Prayer opens my spiritual eyes to see things I can’t see on my own. And I’m convinced prayer matters. Prayers are powerful and effective if prayed from the position of a righteous heart (James 5:16).

So, prayer does make a difference — a life-changing, mind-blowing, earth-rattling difference. We don’t need to know how. We don’t need to know when. We just need to kneel confidently and know the tremors of a simple Jesus girl’s prayers extend far wide and far high and far deep.

Letting that absolute truth slosh over into my soul snuffs out the flickers of hesitation. It bends my stiff knees. And it ignites a fresh, bold and even more wild fire within. Not bold as in bossy and demanding. But bold as in I love my Jesus with all my heart, so why would I offer anything less than an ignited prayer life?

Jesus speaks specifically about igniting our prayer lives in Matthew 6, verses 6-8, “But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him” (NIV).

So let’s ask. And ask again. Not so that we can cause God to move, rather so that we can position our souls to be able to see our sweet Jesus move in any which way He pleases.

Dear Lord, I’m so grateful for the opportunity to bring all of my worries and cares to You. Thank You for providing me with exactly what I need. I trust that You have my best interest in mind today. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

 http://proverbs31.org/devotions/devo/im-scared-to-pray-boldly/

Dream For You-Trusting God's Plans

Not sure when this group started but in the year or so before his death Zach really encouraged me to connect with some of my female friends on a regular basis.  My sister-in-laws, Jessica and Sonya, got a group of my friends together and we started Monthly Girl's Night Out.  This group of ladies has been a huge support to me and each one has blessed me more than I can express.  On Friday night Christa, Sarah, Sonya, Jessica and I attended the Casting Crowns/Laura Story/King and Country Concert (Tara and Margo weren't able to come).  Casting Crowns and Laura Story sing some of my favorite songs that I have listened to over and over again over the past year (Blessings-Laura Story and Praise You In the Storm-Casting Crowns).  I have often wondered what trial Laura Story went through that led her to write Blessings and she shared during the concert that her husband had a brain tumor about 1 1/2 years after they were married.  The doctors were able to remove it, but he continues to have some disabilities as a result. 

One song Casting Crowns sang that I didn't remember hearing before was "Dream for You" (see below)  It caused me to reflect on the dreams I had for my future-dreams that I felt like God closed the doors on the day Zach was diagnosed with cancer.  I have struggled to dream again about the future even as I see God's faithfulness to me in the last 3 1/2 years.  I worry that if I make plans for the future the doors on my expectations/dreams will just continue to be shut and I will be faced with more disappointment.   

On Sunday, I had the opportunity to share about the Cancer Redemption Project with a small group at Northeast Christian Church.  As part of my talk I shared a testimony of how God has worked in my life over the years.  One man came up to me afterwards and encouraged me by saying he saw me as a woman who says yes to God.  I have been reflecting upon his words and the fact that the desire of my heart is to say yes to God's plan for my life.  I am saddened by the fact that I easily become discouraged when saying yes to God means that I experience trials, emotional discomfort, stress, and the loss of my dreams.  With this on my mind, I spent some time today listening a sermon Eric Ludy preached last week entitled "The Making of Yes-Men."  He pointed out that we all say yes to some authority.  We are either with Jesus or with the World.  "As Christians, are we submitted to the voice of God alone, saying, "Yes, Lord, whatever pleases You?" Or are we bowing to the voice of the world, shutting out the wisdom of our Shepherd's Words?"  I am sure I will continue to think about this in the in the coming days as I try to figure out what God is teaching me.  For now I am praying that I can accept that God's dreams/plans for me are so much greater than anything I can come up with in my mind.  He knows what is best for me and He will direct me if I continue to submit to His will.  I need to keep trusting Him even if His will means more time waiting in the valley instead of rejoicing on top of the mountain. 

Dream for You 
Mark Hall and Matthew West

Hey, David, I hear you've been dreaming
About being a big time shepherd some day
You're gonna prove your brothers wrong
You're gonna sing your shepherd song
To the cattle on a thousand hills
But I've been thinking

I'm having trouble with a giant down the road
You're the one who's going to face him toe to toe
Wipe that grin right off his face
And whip this army into shape
I'm going to turn the nation back to Me
And David, you're right about one thing
Your little shepherd songs are going to make the whole world sing
And I'm gonna make you king

So come on, let Me dream, let Me dream for you
I am strong when you're weak and I'll carry you
So let go of your plan, be caught by My hand
I'll show you what I can do
When I dream for you
I have a dream for you

Hey Mary, I've heard you've been dreaming
Making plans for your big wedding day
You and Joseph are gonna be
The picture perfect family
Maybe a couple of kids down the road
But I've been thinking

Even before time began
I had a picture perfect plan
Of how to save this broken world
Through the life of just one man
I'm gonna send my only Son
And Mary, you're the one
You were right about one thing
You're gonna have that family
And you're gonna raise a King

I'm stronger than you think I am
I'll take you farther than you think you can
You sing and call me Great I Am
So take your stand
My child, if you only knew
All the plans that I have for you
Just trust me, I will follow through
You can follow Me

Decluttering Week 6

After six weeks of getting rid of stuff I would really like to be done, but I am guessing at the rate I am going I will need every week until my June 1st deadline.  This week I went through my clothes.  After pulling out the boxes of out of season clothes and sorting through the clothing in my closet and drawers I was surprised to find I had 70 items to get rid of.  Crazy that I have held on to so many things.  I found items I bought during college and way to many t-shirts.  I took some comfort in the fact that most of what I got rid of I either bought a long time ago or purchased secondhand.  I laughed as I thew away the flip flops I wore all around Europe a few weeks before I married Zach-seriously who keeps the same flip flops for over seven years?  They were pretty worn out and I am not sure if I even wore them last summer.  In addition to getting rid of clothes I also gave away bunk bed set we bought at a garage sale when we were licensed as foster parents and thought we might need more beds-thankful some friends can use them for their sons.  

Sorting clothing made me realize that I had items I wasn't wearing because they needed hemmed or repaired so I pulled out the sewing machine.  Once I had the clothing taken care of, I shortened the curtains in my bedroom that have been way too long since I hung them up in July or August.  I learned the hard way that I should have washed them before measuring and cutting, so I ended up with 3/4 inch hems instead of the 2-3 inch hems I intended.  This is what happens you know enough about sewing to try it, but not enough to do it efficiently. Guessing my Aunt Joan who taught be how to sew could have taken care of the curtains in a third of the time it took me.  

Once again I am not sure what I am going to tackle this week.  My week will be shorter since we get to make a trip to Illinois for a Cancer Redemption Project Presentation and my brother-in-law Danny's wedding.  Looking forward to officially having Sarah as part of the family.

Now for a few pictures:

 The give away pile.

 

A portion of my closet-thankfully lots of empty space even with 

both my winter and summer clothing (no more clothing in storage boxes).

Hope in The Storm

Krista Stoller shared this poem that she wrote with me last week and though I would share it on this rainy day.

Hope in The Storm

Krista Stoller

I will thank You for the sunshine on the days that I see hope

I will trust You for the rainbows in the rain

I will leave to You to lift the clouds as You see fit to do

As I I watch the raindrops pound my window pane

For if I did not have You as a shelter in this storm

Quite long ago it would have ruined me

But You have been my shelter Lord despite the mighty winds

And from fear of future storms You’ve set me free

I know You have the power Lord to calm the mighty seas

And how I’d love to see that power today

But if You choose to let the waves roll higher one day more

In the shelter of Your mighty arms I’ll stay

I will praise You for the victory over every storm You won

When on Calvary you conquered over all

And I’ll meditate upon the glorious hope you give to me

And each promise from your word I can recall

“Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you.”

Psalm 33:22

Decluttering Week 5

This week I took a break from paperwork and worked on my kid's clothing.  I got rid over 30 items of Moriah's clothing that she has grown out of and over 35 items of Zion's clothing.  Thankfully they have cousins who can use a lot of their outgrown clothes.  Zion agreed to get rid of one of his backpacks and I also got rid of a broken music box, putting the total to close to 70 on the way out the door this week.  I thought about sorting through their toys while I was working in their rooms, but decided to avoid that battle for now.  Not sure what area I am going to tackle this week, possibly the guest bedroom that collects everything I want to hide when company comes over.  I know I should finish dealing with my office area, but its just too overwhelming. 

Decluttering Week 4

I still don't have an after office picture, because it is taking way too long for me to sort through all the paperwork and files.  I ended up getting some of my items to get rid of from other areas of the house.  Going out the door this week are: a coat, pair of gloves, 9 other clothing items, a ceiling light, a scrapbook bag, 8 cups, and 2+ bags of paper to recycle for a total of 23 items.    

Now for the more interesting update on our week:

 

My cousins Mike and Sarah came for a visit from Sunday afternoon until Tuesday afternoon.  It was great to catch up and spend time with their kids.  Mike also blessed me by completing a couple projects on my "to do" list.  Toward the end of Mike and Sarah's visit we noticed that there was water leaking through my basement ceiling.  I am really grateful to Nathan and Phillip Gerber who came over and found the kitchen sink drain pipe with a cut in it (possibly the result of efforts to unclog the drain a month ago).  They replaced the damaged pipe and my floor and ceiling are drying out with the help of a fan. 

Moriah didn't go to school all week because of a fever and ear infection.  I finally took her to the doctor on Thursday and she is now taking a strong antibiotic because this is her third ear infection this winter.  On Friday we had Heidi Carter and her kids over for dinner and then my dad stayed overnight.  He left for Haiti on Saturday morning and plans to spend the week working with a group of men on the plumbing in the church/school building at the CRP Campus.  On Saturday night we spent time with friends from Leo.  It was one of those evenings that reminded me how much I miss my Leo friends.  It was also great to spend time with Kirk and Keri Platter who were visiting.

Before: Basement Book Shelves:

After Basement Book Shelves:

Before Entryway:

After Entryway:

Just for fun- Moriah the artist:

 

Decluttering Week 3

Friday and Saturday I focused on my office area.  I  was surprised by the number of music cds I found in my office area, so I ended up spending a ton of time getting the cds and cases from various places throughout my house.  In the giveaway pile are over 60 cds and 30+ empty cds cases (not sure how so many cds ended up in our collection).  I managed to put the cds I want to keep in 2 cases and one box.  I have another stack of sermons and random cds that I still have to decide about-I am determined not to put them in a box to deal with later.  In addition to getting rid of cds, I got rid of 4 phone books, a broken camera, and over 30 magazines.  I also shredded a grocery bag full of paperwork.  The good news is that I have plenty of room on my office shelves, the bad new is that I probably have 2 more days of  sorting before I can call the area finished.  I will hopefully post pictures of the finished project at the end of week 4.  

While I was sorting I came across this poem that someone gave my a while ago.  It brought to mind some the things that God has been teaching me lately about drawing close to Him and trusting Him even when I don't understand.  

 

Wait

by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait." 

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign. 

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply." 

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?" 

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."