A post I wrote on November 13, 2011, but never made public.
I haven’t blogged very much lately because I struggle with what to write. I feel like the past six months more than any other time in my life has brought so much pain and so much frustration. I can be peacefully going about my day and then have my emotions thrown into upheaval by a phone call or conversation. I have felt so helpless to influence or make a difference in people’s lives when their grief and anguish is so great. Watching Zach battle cancer and deal with pain has been tough and seeing other people I love and care about hurt because of relationship problems, poor decisions, and sin has added to the burden that I long to escape. I can testify that I get through each day not on my own strength or even my own prayers, but instead the grace of God and the faithful prayers of other people. Just today Zach shared with a church that our trails can be used to glorify God and to bring people to God’s kingdom. I am so thankful that the Cancer Redemption Project gives me a wonderful glimpse of how God is using Zach’s cancer. In other situations, I struggle to see how God can use the many broken pieces for His Gory. I have to remind myself that He is the author of Healing. He can change broken hearts and lives. He can work miracles in even the darkest situations.
Today (Jan. 16, 2012):Please pray that I can face the reality of my life with courage, it is so easy to try to escape when the pain gets to be more than I feel I can bear. When I am not trying to escape, I often focus on surviving the here and now (laundry, cleaning the house, keeping the kids from hurting each other, making it through another day). While the day to day tasks need done, I believe God wants more from me. He wants me further His kingdom by striving to encourage and bless others. Satan wants me to be in survival and escape mode, so I am not the Christian, wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend God wants me to be. I want more, so my prayer is that God will show me how to focus on Him and teach me to be the Woman He wants me to be.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Zach had a CT scan Tuesday Dec 27th. The cancer had not grown and was about the same size (smaller in some places) as the last CT scan 2 months ago. The doctor decided to put Zach on a maintenance chemo (2 chemo medications instead of 3). The third chemo medication that they aren't giving him is the one that made him feel nauseated and caused him to loose his hair. He is currently seeing his doctor every three weeks and receives one medication via iv while we are there. He then takes chemo twice a day for two weeks in a pill form. Zach has had a lot more energy since the 27th and has not felt as sick. He continues to have pain in his colon. We are praying that this schedule will keep the cancer from growing and allow Zach feel better so he can be more active. His next CT Scan will be late Feb or early March.
On January 13th Zach had chemo and they took out the stint that was preventing his left ureter from being blocked off by a lymph node. The lymph node was a lot smaller on the CT scan so Zach was hoping to go without the stint which causes him some discomfort. Soon after we returned home on the 13th, Zach started feeling really sick and we ended up back at IU on the 14th to put the stint back in since his kidney was not able to drain through the ureter. While it was frustrating to spend our Saturday at the hospital, we are really thankful that the Urology Team was willing to perform the surgery on the weekend.
We continue to feel really blessed by the support for the Cancer Redemption Project. We mailed out a Daily Devotional Book in December written by Zach, Brad, and Ryan (please let us know if you didn't get one and would like one). Zach had the opportunity to share his testimony on one of our local Christian Radio Stations (link at cancerredemption.com). Our prayer is that our story can be used to bring people to Christ. Building continues and we are looking forward to seeing more pictures when Zach's sister Cassie returns from Haiti. She visited the Cancer Redemption Campus yesterday.
On January 13th Zach had chemo and they took out the stint that was preventing his left ureter from being blocked off by a lymph node. The lymph node was a lot smaller on the CT scan so Zach was hoping to go without the stint which causes him some discomfort. Soon after we returned home on the 13th, Zach started feeling really sick and we ended up back at IU on the 14th to put the stint back in since his kidney was not able to drain through the ureter. While it was frustrating to spend our Saturday at the hospital, we are really thankful that the Urology Team was willing to perform the surgery on the weekend.
We continue to feel really blessed by the support for the Cancer Redemption Project. We mailed out a Daily Devotional Book in December written by Zach, Brad, and Ryan (please let us know if you didn't get one and would like one). Zach had the opportunity to share his testimony on one of our local Christian Radio Stations (link at cancerredemption.com). Our prayer is that our story can be used to bring people to Christ. Building continues and we are looking forward to seeing more pictures when Zach's sister Cassie returns from Haiti. She visited the Cancer Redemption Campus yesterday.
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