State of Mind

I as started writing this I wondered if I would share it, but I have made a practice of being “real” on this blog, so here is another glimpse into my inner life:  

Earlier this week during my quiet time with God I was thinking about my life and reflecting on all the good things.  We have had a lot of company at our house over the last month and many other activities to be thankful for.  As I thought about these things I was saddened by the fact that I didn’t look forward to any of these events before they happened.   Many times before people arrived at my house I found myself pleading with God to give me pure motives so I could bless the people who were coming even though I struggled to look forward to their arrival.  Each and every time God answered my prayer and I found myself thankful for the events.   This week I acknowledged before God and shared with a friend that my thoughts and worries about the unknown are my greatest enemy right now.  I made a commitment my friend to stay busy with good things to keep my mind from all the thoughts that overwhelm me.  I had my kids’ friends over on Wednesday, had dinner with adult friends Wednesday evening, hosted Moriah’s birthday party on Thursday, and had another friend and her children over on Friday (just to name a few of our activities).  I went to the YMCA three times this week instead of my normal two.  Friday morning I gave my depressed emotions to God and shared them with another friend in the evening, finding comfort in the fact that she understood what it was like not to look forward to life. 

Maybe it is the extra prayers, maybe it is the excitement of spending time with a friend yesterday talking about some updates to my house (did you catch that I got excited about something), maybe it is the fact that I have stayed so busy that I can’t think…. Whatever it is God is good to me and as I type this I realize that I am looking forward to going to church and I am looking forward to hosting friends for supper this evening.  I know my battle with my thoughts/emotions isn’t over, but for the moment I am going to enjoy the fact that I am looking forward to today. 

Here is verse I wrote down in my journal this week:

“More than that we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”           

Romans 5:3-4