My House Is A Mess-Renovations #1

On Monday the updates I have been planning for my kitchen for the past few months started.  To prepare I moved all the kitchen items from my counter tops, emptied all the lower cabinets, pulled out all the drawers, and moved out all the furniture except for my table.  I also moved the refrigerator to the garage (with help of course) and unhooked the ice maker being careful to make sure the water was turned off at the pipe under the sink.  I did most of the prep the week before and left Friday morning for a weekend in Illinois  with my friend Leann.  Returned Sunday night to a house that smelled really bad, but I was too tired to think much about the cause.  Soon after the crew arrived Monday to tear out my tiles and carpet, I made a trip downstairs and discovered water in my drop ceiling again (yes this has happened before).  Turns out my ice maker line slowly dripped water onto the kitchen floor all weekend.  Wet floors, walls, drop ceiling, and carpets.  We have had loud fans going all week to dry things out and I long for quiet again (the kids and I can hardly hear each other talk).

Every time I walk past my newly decorated guest room I try to look the other way because it is full of kitchen items.  This can be tricky as I step over my dinning room rug and avoid running into the leaves for my table that are in the hallway outside the guest room door.

Guest Room

On Wednesday the crew showed up to tear out the counter tops, tile back splash, oven, stove top, and two cabinets.  They installed part of the new counter top and unpacked my new cabinets.  The crew wasn't able to come back Thursday or Friday, so I have been without a kitchen sink and am actually looking forward to washing dishes.  They kids and I have been eating leftovers heated in the microwave which is currently sitting on my desk.  Excited that tomorrow they are coming back to install the new cabinets and that the new floors should be installed Tuesday and Wednesday.  Not sure when everything will be done, but hoping to be able to start refilling my lower cabinets tomorrow evening so my house isn't so messy.

Kitchen-in progress

On Friday I picked up a new decorating book started reading it today.  Really enjoying it so far because it isn't about creating a perfect house it is about making wherever you live a "home."  I just finished reading this section and thought is was worth sharing with my female friends who like me may be constantly trying to figure out how to "improve"  or "perfect" various areas of your lives.

"Giving up is the first step to creating the home you love.  The goal of perfection does nothing but hold you back.  Giving up on trying to have the perfect house is a form of rest.  In her book Choosing Rest, Sally Breedlove says, "We find rest in the incompleteness of the present moment as we learn to recognize the goodness of what is and we trust that what is needed for the future will be added at the proper time."

Allowing things in our homes and in our lives to be incomplete, imperfect, and undone in some ways is a form of trust.  Can you give up and allow some imperfections in your life?

We get stuck in this way of thinking: 
I want to like my house, therefore I shall change it until I like it.
I want to like my body, therefore I shall change it until I like it.
I want to like my life, therefore I shall change it until I like it.

Instead of focusing on this way of thinking, what if you changed what you like?"

From: The Nesting Place by Myquillyn Smith p. 50

A Shared Journey

I spend most of my day today distracting myself so I wouldn’t have to think about how I spent the last two days, knowing that if I allowed myself to think I would experience pain.  In the past few years I made a new friend.  We met each other in 2003, when I was assigned to say at her house overnight.  I was a single gal on a trip to Illinois and she was a new bride looking forward to many years of marriage.  I don’t remember much about our first meeting, but I do remember the beautiful pictures in Leann's house of her with her husband on the beach in Hawaii on their honeymoon.  

I don’t remember seeing Leann again until 2011 when we met at a restaurant in Indianapolis.  Both married, Leann had three children and was expecting her fourth and I had two children.  When we met our husbands, Zach and Derek, formed an instant bond by comparing their bald heads and discussing the medical treatments they were going through to prolong their lives on this earth.  We didn’t connect much in person often after that, but did keep up with each other’s lives via blogs and texts.  They stopped at our house for an hour or so on their way home from Ohio one weekend and supported us at Cancer Redemption Project Presentations in Illinois.  We tried to schedule a weekend for us to get together in Illinois in the spring of 2013, but Derek ended up in the hospital and Zach was given the news that his time on earth was short. 

On June 6, 2013 God ended Zach’s three year battle with cancer and welcomed him into Heaven.  Derek and Leann attended Zach’s funeral knowing that unless God chose to perform a miracle of healing there was a funeral in their future too.  Leann and I continued to communicate occasionally via phone calls and texts.  The kids and I were blessed to stay overnight at their house twice in early 2014.  Our kids loved playing together.  During those visits Leann and I talked about life and raising kids,  but a lot of our conversations centered around Leann surviving the continued battle with cancer and me surviving the battle after cancer.  I last saw Derek on May 10^th.  His body was so weak and I knew that it had taken great effort for him and Leann to drive to Goodfield to hear Psalm 100 sing and support me as I talked about the Cancer Redemption Project.  It was hard to see Derek because in him I could see Zach and I knew that the Cancer was winning the battle against his body. 

On July 2, 2014 God chose to take Derek home after a three year battle with cancer.  As I watched Leann and her children follow the casket down the aisle yesterday my pain was great because I remember my similar trip a year ago.  I grieve because it is Leann’s time to start on the road as woman raising children without her husband. It is her time to figure out how to spend her life now that it is not consumed by cancer treatments, doctors, and unexpected medical emergencies.  It is her time to figure out how to live without her best friend.  I know by God’s grace she will survive the next year of her life just as I have survived my last year.  I know that God with show Himself to her in ways He has never shown Himself before, but I also know that the process of healing comes with questions, tears, pain, sleepless nights, and fear about the unknown future. 

Please join me in praying for Leann, Lexi, Wesley, Whitley, and Lainey.  As you pray for them praise God for the work that He did through the cancer in both Derek and Zach’s lives.  Both were so passionate about life and about furthering God’s kingdom.  God asked them to use their cancer in different ways, but in the end they both were a testimony of living and dying well because of the presence of Jesus in their lives.  It makes me smile to think of them both strong and healthy enjoying life together in heaven.  Life is hard, but God is so Good.   

De-Cluttering Update

On February 17th I posted my intentions to sort through my entire house by June 1st and get rid of at least 21 items every week.  June 1st has come and gone, so I decided that it is time for an update.  As I look through my house I would guess that if I would count everything I got rid of it would add up to well over 21 items each week even though I didn't count every week.  I did not succeed in getting through everything I wanted to, but I would guess I got about 90% of the way there.  I still need to work on pictures and craft supplies, random boxes in the basement storage room, and my office area.  Over the last few weeks I got rid of over 60 magazines, 11 college text books, a ton of paperwork, and over 50 books (I sold these to Half Price Books for a way to little amount, but at least they are out of my house).  I also sorted through 5 drawers and threw away or gave away almost everything in them.  My sister and I went through Zion's toys and I was really impressed by how many things he was willing to give away (I think he is hoping for more Legos for his birthday).  Today I cleaned out my bathroom cupboards and got rid of an entire trash bag of random stuff.  From this process I learned how easy it is to hold on to things when storage and closet space are available.  I also learned that I am not as attached to the things in my house as I thought I might be.  I honestly could have gotten rid of a lot more without any emotional trauma.  Lastly I learned that one of the more challenging things about getting rid of stuff is knowing what to do with it. I felt rather guilty about throwing things away at times (possibly why I haven't went through the last few boxes in the basement.)  

Some of the Books that I got rid of

Before Bedroom

After Bedroom

Moriah wanted to show Zion's room even though she didn't help.

Bathroom Linen Closet

A few weeks ago I was feeling rather burnout with the whole de-cluttering process and took advantage of a buy one get one free paint sale at Ace Hardware.  I painted my upstairs guest room over Memorial Day weekend and the following weekend went shopping with my sisters (Joy & Josie) and cousin (Sarah) for accessories.  I was technically shopping for things for my sister Joy's house, but she didn't seem to mind that I had my own cart.  The four of us ended up filling Josie's minivan so all of our houses got some updates. Now for the fun pictures:

Before Guest Room (tan walls)

Another before picture

Our van full of goodies

My shopping buddies (minus Adelynn) we did have Sarah's baby Elona with us 

Joy's living room (I forgot to take pictures of her bedroom)

After guest room (grey walls and a new layout)

I want to thank each of you for your prayers and support. As I reflect on the fact that Zach died a year ago today, I can look back and see God’s faithfulness in providing for our family and for the Cancer Redemption Project (see www.cancerredemption.com for an update). I will be honest in saying that the path He is taking the kids and I on isn’t easy. I have more questions then answers about our future, but God has taught me more clearly in the past year than any other time in my life that He is with me always and I can trust Him to take care of the unknown.

Recently, I have reflected on the words of Acts 22. Jesus speaks to Saul on the road to Damascus. Saul’s response in verse 10 is, “What shall I do Lord?” Jesus responds, “Rise and go into Damascus and there you will be told all that is appointed for you to do.” In the rest of chapter 22, God gives Saul (Paul) little pieces of the plans He has for him starting with completely surrendering to God’s will. I can relate to Paul’s question and his struggle to understand God’s plan for Him in light of His history and his weaknesses (v. 19-21). I often ask “Lord, what do you want me to do?” Sometimes it feels like He is silent, but I know from my past experiences that He wants me to press forward with the daily tasks of life and wait for Him to give me clear direction for the things that seem bigger than I can understand. I find peace in the fact that God is in control.

Priorities

 

I was in Florida over my birthday this year and had some quiet time to reflect on my life.  I am slowly reading through the book "Say Goodby to Survival Mode" by Crystal Paine and on my birthday I read a chapter about identifying what our personal priorities are so we can build our activities and lives around the things that are most important to us.  I wrote down a lot of things that day and then narrowed my priorities down to a list of 6.  I am finally taking time today to type them out and post them where I can see them often as a way to keep myself accountable. 

1-Cling to Jesus for strength, direction, and peace.
2-Love and nurture Zion and Moriah by spending quality and quantity time with them
3-Get my household in order so I am in a good place to bless others and move forward with opportunities God brings my way.
4-Take care of my body by getting rest, exercising, and eating a healthy diet.
5-Build close relationships for my mental and emotional well-being and to encourage others.
6-Use the talents God has given me to be a voice for vulnerable children, encourage adoptive parents, and bless other women.   

At times I feel like so much of my life is out of my control, but as I read through this list again I realize there is a lot I can control.  Instead of focusing on the things I can't control, I need to make the effort to concentrate my time and energy on the areas of my life that I can control.  I need to give the unknowns in my life to Jesus once again, so I can have greater peace and joy in the here and now. 

Graduation

Both Zion and Moriah had graduation ceremonies this week.  Zion graduated from Kindergarten on Tuesday night and Moriah graduated from pre-school on Thursday night.  I feel really blessed by their four amazing teachers, Miss Towle, Mrs. Gerber, Mrs. Girod, and Miss Tonner. 

Kindergarten:

 

Pre-School: 

 

State of Mind

I as started writing this I wondered if I would share it, but I have made a practice of being “real” on this blog, so here is another glimpse into my inner life:  

Earlier this week during my quiet time with God I was thinking about my life and reflecting on all the good things.  We have had a lot of company at our house over the last month and many other activities to be thankful for.  As I thought about these things I was saddened by the fact that I didn’t look forward to any of these events before they happened.   Many times before people arrived at my house I found myself pleading with God to give me pure motives so I could bless the people who were coming even though I struggled to look forward to their arrival.  Each and every time God answered my prayer and I found myself thankful for the events.   This week I acknowledged before God and shared with a friend that my thoughts and worries about the unknown are my greatest enemy right now.  I made a commitment my friend to stay busy with good things to keep my mind from all the thoughts that overwhelm me.  I had my kids’ friends over on Wednesday, had dinner with adult friends Wednesday evening, hosted Moriah’s birthday party on Thursday, and had another friend and her children over on Friday (just to name a few of our activities).  I went to the YMCA three times this week instead of my normal two.  Friday morning I gave my depressed emotions to God and shared them with another friend in the evening, finding comfort in the fact that she understood what it was like not to look forward to life. 

Maybe it is the extra prayers, maybe it is the excitement of spending time with a friend yesterday talking about some updates to my house (did you catch that I got excited about something), maybe it is the fact that I have stayed so busy that I can’t think…. Whatever it is God is good to me and as I type this I realize that I am looking forward to going to church and I am looking forward to hosting friends for supper this evening.  I know my battle with my thoughts/emotions isn’t over, but for the moment I am going to enjoy the fact that I am looking forward to today. 

Here is verse I wrote down in my journal this week:

“More than that we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”           

Romans 5:3-4