State of Mind

I as started writing this I wondered if I would share it, but I have made a practice of being “real” on this blog, so here is another glimpse into my inner life:  

Earlier this week during my quiet time with God I was thinking about my life and reflecting on all the good things.  We have had a lot of company at our house over the last month and many other activities to be thankful for.  As I thought about these things I was saddened by the fact that I didn’t look forward to any of these events before they happened.   Many times before people arrived at my house I found myself pleading with God to give me pure motives so I could bless the people who were coming even though I struggled to look forward to their arrival.  Each and every time God answered my prayer and I found myself thankful for the events.   This week I acknowledged before God and shared with a friend that my thoughts and worries about the unknown are my greatest enemy right now.  I made a commitment my friend to stay busy with good things to keep my mind from all the thoughts that overwhelm me.  I had my kids’ friends over on Wednesday, had dinner with adult friends Wednesday evening, hosted Moriah’s birthday party on Thursday, and had another friend and her children over on Friday (just to name a few of our activities).  I went to the YMCA three times this week instead of my normal two.  Friday morning I gave my depressed emotions to God and shared them with another friend in the evening, finding comfort in the fact that she understood what it was like not to look forward to life. 

Maybe it is the extra prayers, maybe it is the excitement of spending time with a friend yesterday talking about some updates to my house (did you catch that I got excited about something), maybe it is the fact that I have stayed so busy that I can’t think…. Whatever it is God is good to me and as I type this I realize that I am looking forward to going to church and I am looking forward to hosting friends for supper this evening.  I know my battle with my thoughts/emotions isn’t over, but for the moment I am going to enjoy the fact that I am looking forward to today. 

Here is verse I wrote down in my journal this week:

“More than that we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”           

Romans 5:3-4

Moriah at 5

What is your favorite color?  Pink

Where is your favorite place to go?  To School

What Makes You Scared?  Bad Dreams

Who are your best friends?  Elly and Ashlyn

What is your favorite toy? Princess Sophia Stuff

Who loves you the most? God and Jesus

What is your favorite song?  Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

What are your favorite foods? Ramen Noodle Soup and Fruit

What food don't you like? Oranges and Sour Things

What is your favorite Movie? Sophia the First

What do you want to be when you grow up?  A Doctor

What else do you like? Butterflies and Planning Outfits (skirt, shirt, leggings, shoes and accessories), and Art Projects

Today we had a birthday party for Moriah and invited a few of Moriah's friends, their moms, and younger siblings. Moriah choose a princess theme and Queen Cassie came to join in the fun. Zion gave her his gift when he got home from school. On the menu for lunch was Ramen Noodle Soup, Veggies, Grilled Cheese Sandwiches, Fruit, Strawberry Lemonade, Pink Lemonade Cake, and Berry Ice Cream.

 

 

Cancer Redemption Project

When I saw this picture of the Cancer Redemption Campus I was amazed by God's goodness.  Four years ago this piece of land was a a rocky mountaintop used for grazing a few animals.  The concept of the Cancer Redemption Project  was not even on our minds.  Zach and I knew that something was wrong with him, but we didn't realize that it was cancer.  Our minds were occupied with finding a new house for our family and dealing with paperwork delays that kept us from moving into our house the day we planned.  At the time those things seemed so big to us, but how quickly our perspective changed when we found out Zach had cancer in June.

It is easy for me to become anxious about the unknowns in life.  Just this morning I read Matthew 6:33-34 "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.  Therefor do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.  Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." ESV.  When I think about the Cancer Redemption Project I am reminded that God's plans are good.  He has everything about my future in His hands.  He wrote the story of my life over the last four years and brought to life this amazing place for children.  I can stop stressing about what He is going to do next in my life, because I have seen his goodness to me.  Has it been painful? Yes.  Would I change the work He has done?  No.

Visitors

The kids and I hosted a potluck on Friday night and thanks to the request of one of the people who attended we actually have a picture of the group.

My parents, Jordan/Joy, Julie and Jason came for Hannah and Nate's wedding.  We enjoyed going to garage sales, bike riding, eating, scrapbooking, and attending a Saturday night singing.  My dad blessed me by working on a few of the projects on my to do list. We also celebrated Julie's birthday and Moriah got an early birthday present from my parents.  

Decluttering Week ?

I have not been doing as well as I like at meeting my decluttering  goal.  Blame in on having company, traveling, and just not being motivated.  Here is a quick summary of what I have done over the past few weeks.  

1)spent 2 hours organizing the digital pictures on my computer by month and year 

2) Got rid of our broken hot tub 

3)Got rid of a broken futon bed frame (thanks to my dad and brother, Jason) 

4)finished scrapbooking the 2014 Christmas pictures we received (thanks to my sister, Joy) 

5) Sorted out over 30 books to donate/sell 

6)Got rid of broken porch lights and replaced them with new ones (a huge thanks to my dad for this one)

 Before:

After: 

I have four weeks until my June 1st deadline, so I decided to make a list of what is left to do (maybe this will motivate me):
1) Finish sorting through books on the book shelves (Do I really need my textbooks from college?)
2) Sort and organize craft supplies
3) Organize computer files
4) Sort through boxes in the storage room
5) Finish cleaning desk area and organizing paperwork
6) Organize printed pictures and make a list of scrapbooking projects that need to be completed
7) Go through the various "junk drawers throughout the house.  (Not sure if I should admit that I have one in almost every room)

Warmer Weather

We spent a lot of time outside after school today.  Moriah picked flowers (dandelions) and they both rode their bikes in the bake yard.  I hooked our bike trailer up to my new bike and we went on  4 mile bike ride.  They kept telling me from the trailer that we should ride 10 miles.  Zion said, "mom if you can ride 8 miles you can ride 10."   Such the motivator.  He must be taking lessons from my instructors at the YMCA.  Guessing the added 80 pounds of the kids and trailer increased my workout.  Looking forward to going farther another day-it started to rain so we headed home.   

Prayer

I’m Tired of Praying the Same Prayers 
Lynn Cowell April 24, 2014

“‘Not so, my lord,’ Hannah replied, ‘I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the LORD.’” 1 Samuel 1:15 (NIV 1984) 

Just not having a good day. I’m tired of praying these same prayers! 

I debated whether or not to update my Facebook status to reflect how I really felt. Not every day is a good day. This day was especially hard as I held my prayer journal. I thought, I just don’t have it in me to pray those prayers again. I’m exhausted, worn out. I might be able to read my Bible, but pray? Not today. 

I decided to share the reality of my emotional state on Facebook. Hoping my words would encourage someone else who was having a bad day and struggling to pray for things that break her heart. 

There was another woman whose prayers were hard to pray. Her name was Hannah, and for years she prayed for and longed desperately for a child. 

Each year, Hannah traveled with her husband to worship the Lord. One year in particular, the burden of her prayer was more than she could take. The Bible says, “In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the LORD“ (1 Samuel 1:10, NIV 1984). 

As she prayed in her heart, her lips were moving, but her voice was not heard. The priest thought she was drunk! “‘Not so, my LORD,’ Hannah replied, ‘I am a woman who is deeply troubled … I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief’” (vv. 15,16). 

Eli, the priest, sensed Hannah’s pain and stepped into her situation with words to encourage, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him” (v. 17). The story tells us that Eli’s words made a difference, and Hannah left no longer sad. 

While a priest didn’t respond to my Facebook status, my dear friend Julie did. She had read my post and called, asking, “Are you OK?”

With those three short words, my dam of keeping-it-all-together broke. “No, I’m not.” The flood of weariness from unanswered prayers poured out. 

From there, my friend reassured me she was praying for me, but it was her challenge that did my heart the most good. Her words enabled me to “go in peace,” like Eli told Hannah to do. 

Julie encouraged me to pick up my prayer journal. Not so I could pray the prayers again, but to see God’s faithfulness in the past. 

“Go through and read all the prayers God has answered in your life,” Julie said. She assured me that remembering God’s goodness would fuel me to keep praying and trusting God for those answers yet to come. 

I recognized wise advice, so I took my prayer journal and read of God’s faithfulness to me and my family. In fact, I read it out loud. It made a difference in my attitude. 

God finally answered Hannah’s prayer for a son after many years of prayer. And while I don’t want to wait years to see answers to my prayers, Hannah’s story inspires me to keep worshiping, praying and looking for His answers. 

Do you have a prayer you are weary of praying? Maybe it’s time to focus on God’s faithfulness in those answered prayers in your past. 

Dear Jesus, You are faithful, always. Though I may grow weary in praying for Your will and Your ways to be accomplished in my life, You never grow weary. Though I may not see what You are doing, I know You are working. Today, I rest in the comfort of what You have done in my past and all You will do in my future. In Your Name, Amen. 

http://proverbs31.org/devotions/devo/im-tired-of-praying-the-same-prayers/

My Thoughts: When I read this devotion a few minutes ago, I knew it was God acknowledging the words that have been filling my prayer journal the last few days. I often scan back through my prayer journal to see how God has been working in my life. I want to see the answers to my prayers, but too often my mind focuses on the pain I read in my pleas for His help and direction. I see the same prayers over and over and wonder if He is ever going to answer them for me. I know that there is purpose in waiting, but when I feel exhausted by life it is hard for me to find that purpose and stay focused on His faithfulness. Not sure where this day will take me, but for now I am going to open my journal again and pour out my heart to the One who has everything in His control.