Saying yes to God

A portion of the devotion I read this morning by Lisa TerKeurst:

The eyes of The Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him.   2 Chronicles 16:9

This is the way the body of Christ is supposed to work.  God speaks we listen; He confirms, we obey; He gives us strength to do amazing things, we watch miracles come out of our lives.  I love 2 Chronicles 16: 9 because it brings a picture to my mind of God standing in front of a crowd of people asking, "Who is willing to do an amazing assignment for Me?"

Many shrug and make excuses. but one little girl jumps up and in complete abandon says, "Me Lord! Pick me! I am willing!"  Then He whispers back, "Well done, my child.  I am so pleased.  You have made a good choice.  I will give you strength to do this.  Do not be afraid.  I will be with you."

Dear Lord, let me always be that little girl with the up stretched arm and obedient heart. Give me wisdom to know Your voice and the courage to say yes to whatever You ask of me.  My greatest desire is to walk with You all the days of my life.  I don't want to settle for the good life.  I want the great life, where I live the adventure You created my soul to live.  In Jesus' Name. Amen

Cameron is with Jesus

 

My heart breaks this morning as I grieve with my sister Joy and brother-in-law Jordan. Cameron died at 2:15 this morning.  I find a lot of comfort in picturing Cameron and Zach together in Heaven.  

God clearly showed Jordan and Joy that he should be their son and they stepped forward in faith to be his parents even though they new his medical conditions would be challenging.  Cameron brought so much joy to their lives in his sixteen months of life and I trust that God had a great purpose for his life even though it was short.  I know Jordan and Joy would appreciate prayers as they face the coming days, weeks, and months.  

Joy

 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.  Psalm 30:5 (KJV)

This verse came to mind today.  God and I have been on a journey the last few days and this morning I felt my joy return.  It is hard to explain, but I feel like I can live again.  I am excited about life and the future.  When I tried to think about the last time I felt excited about life and optimistic for the future, I cried because it has been so long.    I have lived long enough to realized that the future probably holds more challenges and days where I will have to survive on the truth of God's Word instead of my own feelings, but right now I am praising God for this gift He has given me.  Thanks for the continued prayers.  I am humbled by my many faithful prayer warriors.  

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29: 11-13 (NIV)

Worship While I'm Waiting

I was blessed by a conversation today about trusting God even when life seems uncertain.  God placed the person in my life at just the right time to give me the encouragement I needed to face the day.  The person followed up our conversation by sending me the following verses  and song.  The song reflects a lot of what I am feeling today.

Psalm 62:5-12

My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him.

He only is my rock and my salvation: He is my defense; I shall not be moved.

In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.

Trust in Him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before Him: God is a refuge for us. Selah. 

Surely men of low degree are vanity, and men of high degree are a lie: to be laid in the balance, they are altogether lighter than vanity.

Trust not in oppression, and become not vain in robbery: if riches increase, set not your heart upon them.

God hath spoken once; twice have I heard this; that power belongeth unto God. 

Also unto thee, O Lord, belongeth mercy: for thou renderest to every man according to his work.

Five months ago today, Zach when home to Heaven.  Almost daily, Zion or Moriah says "I want dada"  and I can only say that I agree with them and remind them that he is in Heaven.  Tonight I read them special letters that he wrote them before he died and we looked at pictures in his memory book.  It is hard to explain to them the eternal purpose God had in taking their daddy away.  My hope is that as they grow they will come to love Jesus enough that they can accept this plan for our lives.  

Since I last wrote, life has continued even though at times I wish I could just stop everything for a while and take more time to heal.  In early September, I ended my employment at Gateway Woods Family Services.  It was a hard decision after being blessed to work there for 10 years.  During my time at Gateway Woods I was privileged to work with seventy adoptive families.  When I think of the number of adopted children that are being raised in those godly Christian families my heart rejoices.  I miss the connections with the families and am thankful for the updates that I get from some of them through face book and emails.

After making the decision to be done working at  Gateway Woods, God opened the door for me to accept a part-time job working at Loving Shepherd Ministries.  I am thankful to use my experience with adoption to encourage and support some of the hundreds of families LSM assists in starting their adoption journey each year.  I normally work while the kids are at school and am set up to work from home too.  Moriah enjoys "Grandma Carmon Day" and "Elly Day" after preschool two days a week, so I can spend more time at the office. 

In September the kids and I traveled to Indianapolis to the Childrens' Museum with Christa W., Sarah S., Jack, Willis, and Selah. The kids had a great time digging for dinosaur bones, putting together a Clay Army, and playing in the many activity areas.  At the end of the month we went to Ohio for a Bauman family reunion and enjoyed spending time with some of my aunts, uncles, and cousins.  A group of us spent a day at the best pumpkin patch and corn maze I have ever been to.  I think Zion and Moriah's favorite part was playing the giant corn box (think sandbox). 

The first weekend of October we went to a corn maze with the Bertsch  Family.  Then on October 17th/18th we made the eleven hour drive to Kansas to see Brandon and Heidi.  While we were there,Zion got to ride with Brandon in the combine and both kids enjoyed the Bern Park.  The kids also enjoyed playing on the round hay bales with Brandon's nieces and nephews.  After spending a great weekend in Bern, we headed to Missouri and spent a few days with my Aunt Leslie.  The kids loved playing with their second cousins (my Cousin Connie's kids) and visiting a park, nature center, and the Bass Pro Shop.  On Thursday the 24th we stopped at the Science Museum in St. Louis on our way home.  The kids did really well thanks to ipads, a dvd player, coloring books, Legos, and Johnathan Parks Adventure Stories.   

 

On October 31st my roommate from my first three years in Indiana, Terri Witzig, came to visit for the day.  It was great to catch up since we don't see each other often.  Later that day I dressed up my little super hero and princess to visit their great grandparents and get their special treats.  

   

On November 1st Christa, Jack, and Willis came to play/talk.  Friday evening we attended the play "The Family Nobody Wanted."  We started in the front row and then ended up in the back when Moriah decided she had enough.  Next time Zion and I might have to leave her behind unless the story is about a princess.  Saturday we had family pictures taken and attended the Kingdom Academy Auction.  Then on Sunday I traveled to Southern Indiana to represent LSM at an Orphan Sunday Event while the kids enjoyed time with Brad and Sonya. On Monday Moriah enjoyed a play date with Samantha and Delany and Zion spent some time at Tristan's house.  My mom, Joy, Josie, Adalynn, Cameron, and Weston came Monday night and stayed until this afternoon.   

 

Pressing On

A sweet woman who also lost her husband to cancer at a young age wrote me the following after hearing of Zach's death:
"1)  You may not feel like "yourself" for quite a while and that is ok...don't be hard on yourself!
2)  God will keep you closer than you can imagine. He truly is the Father to the Fatherless and the Husband to the Husbandless.  You will see miracles happen around you.  That is just God protecting and loving you - watch for it.  It's such a humbling experience."

In the past month I have been reading the book An Untroubled Heart.  I can relate to much of what Micca Campbell writes because God chose to take her loving husband to heaven when she was in her twenties, leaving her a single parent of their son.  Here is a quote from her book: 

"God met me in my pain and carried me to new levels of grace...With each encounter, my future grew brighter, and I was able to pick up the pieces of my shattered dream and with God's help rebuild my life."   (p. 21)

God has blessed me by allowing me to be encouraged by both of these women.  I so appreciate the quote above because it reminds me that even though I am not at a point where I feel like the pieces are picked up and my life is rebuilt to a new normal, I can rest in God's grace and the hope that the future can grow brighter. I press on one day at a time praying that the next day will go a little better.  That I will feel a little more like myself.  That I will figure out how to be the mother God wants me to be.  That I will draw another step closer to Jesus and truly feel His presence in my life.  That I will find purpose and joy in this life that God has called me to live even though it is different than what I would have imagined.  God is so good and I am thankful that He continues to transform me and mold me to be the woman He wants me to be. 

Thank you for your continued prayers for our family.  As you pray for Zion, Moriah, and I, please continue to pray for the children in Haiti.  They have also experienced much loss.  Pray that their Homes of Hope parents will be given wisdom to support them through their grief.  Pray that they will be given an extra measure of patience as grief in children is often expressed in   misbehavior that can be exhausting to deal with on a daily basis.  Pray that the children can turn to Jesus for answers and healing.

First Day of Preschool

 

Moriah loved her first day of preschool.  She was so excited when I picked her up that she ran to the van and was full of  energy for the next hour or so.  Her teachers are Mrs. Girod and Miss Tonner.  She has seven classmates, including her cousin Elly.  I have to admit that I love preschool too.  Having a couple hours to myself was great and I made a lot of progress on my to do list for work.