Kitchen Before/After Pictures

Before:

After:

Reflections on Life

Last night before I went to bed I looked at the calendar and realized that if Zach were still on this earth today would have been our eight wedding anniversary.  I started thinking about it when I woke up this morning and God gave me an overwhelming feeling of peace.  I have struggled over the last year to figure out where to fit into this life.  I have said to God countless times: "What is next?"  "What should I do now?" "Do I have a future beyond the painful journey I have been on?"  At times God has given me clear direction and I move forward.   At other times it feels like His silent and there is nothing I can do but wait for Him so show me the next step. I struggle with this because I like to know what is next so I can make a plan.  Some of the things He has asked me to do over the last year have been really hard and I still deal with the mental battle of why He would add these things to my already overwhelmed mind.  I remind myself that God knows what He is doing and that the story He is writing in my life is more beautiful that I can ever imagine (and I have a good imagination).    A few weeks ago I read Ephesians 3:20-21 (NIV) and found a huge amount of comfort:

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us,to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

As I think about my marriage to Zach this morning, I am once again reminded that I should be praising God for the gift He gave me in Zach. In late 2005, God clearly showed me I was supposed to marry Zach and although it took months for Zach to actually ask me to marry Him, God took care of all the details that I worried about during that time.  Zach and I didn't have a perfect marriage.  I knew all his weaknesses and he knew mine.  I shake my head that some of the silly things we argued about and praise God that He used us even thought we failed in so many ways.  Our story didn't go the way I would have written it, but I am okay with that.  Zach is in the Place he was made for with the Person he was made for and that gives me reason to rejoice.  

Zach and I talked often about the life the kids and I would have after his death.  It was important to him that I didn't get lost in grief.  He wanted me to move forward with life.  He didn't want me to dwell on the expectations other people have of how our family should grieve or when our family should move forward with new opportunities.  He wanted our family to be directed by God, so we could be used to further God's kingdom..  In the last few weeks of his life Zach worried most often about how I would be able to provide for all Zion and Moriah's needs on my own.  Those who know me best know that it hasn't been easy.  I struggle with all the things that I don't understand.  I get tired and overwhelmed and as a result am not the woman or mom I want to be.  As I talked about these things with my counselor yesterday she reminded me of the following verses that she had read during her morning devotions.  

"Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.  God, the Lord, is my strength; He makes my feet like the deer's; He makes me tread in high places."  -Habakkuk 3:17-19 (ESV)    

Even when life seems to have many struggles I need to keep focus on the fact that God is working and that I need to continue to be thankful for all that He has done in my life.  As I was searching for these verses I came across Zephaniah Chapter 3:17-18 (ESV).

"Fear not, O Zion: let not your hands grow weak.  The Lord your God is in your midst, a mightly one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing.  I will gather those of you who mourn for the festival, so that you no longer suffer reproach..."

Thanks for joining me for my morning reflections/devotions.  And thank you for your prayers.  I will end with the verse of the day from BibleGateway.com and the song that is going through my mind:

 

So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.-Hebrews 10:35-36

It is Well with my Soul 

1. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, 
 when sorrows like sea billows roll; 
 whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, 
 It is well, it is well with my soul. 

Refrain:
 It is well with my soul, 
 it is well, it is well with my soul. 

2. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, 
 let this blest assurance control, 
 that Christ has regarded my helpless estate, 
 and hath shed his own blood for my soul.  

3. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! 
 My sin, not in part but the whole, 
 is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, 
 praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul! 

4. And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, 
 the clouds be rolled back as a scroll; 
 the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, 
 even so, it is well with my soul. 

		-Horatio Spafford

Morning Devotion

A good reminder from my morning devotion:

And it is impossible to please God without faith.  Anyone who wants to come to Him must believe that God exists and that He rewards those who sincerely seek Him.  Hebrews 11:6 (NLT)

"God calls us all to do some faith stretching now and then.  Whether we are called to leave our comfort zones to obey and act, or to rest and trust in God in a difficult season of life,  He always rewards great faith with wonderful blessings.... Maybe stepping outside of your comfort zone to obey God seems like a too much of a stretch right now.  Keep in mind that although it may seem impossible, God will never stretch us beyond what we are capable of in His strength-not ours..."

-Tracie Miles 

http://proverbs31.org/devotions/devo/time-to-do-a-little-faith-stretching/

Labor Day Weekend

We headed to Ohio for Labor Day weekend to attend a Bauman Family Reunion and spend time with relatives who were visiting from out of state and from England.  The highlight of our trip was spending Saturday at Ramsier Farms.  The kids had a blast with with their cousins and second cousins.  They especially liked the corn box (think sand box), the slides, and the tunnels. We didn't try the corn maze this year. 

August 23rd and 24th

We traveled to Lafayette, Indiana on August 23rd for my cousin Marshall's wedding to Grace.  So thankful for the way God worked in Marshall and Grace's lives to bring them together.  We had a lot of fun seeing family members from Ohio, Indiana, Missouri, and Arizona.    After the wedding the kids and I spent the rest of the weekend with Kellen and Elizabeth. Zion was thrilled that Kellen was willing to challenge him to I pad games and Moriah loved all of Elizabeth's craft supplies.  We visited the West Lafayette Apostolic Church and the kids had fun searching for bugs in the front yard both before and after church.  We enjoyed dinner with Kirk and Keri and their kids at Kellen and Elizabeth's on Sunday afternoon before heading home. 

First Day of School

First Grade-August 13, 2014

Kindergarten-August 18, 2014

My House Is A Mess-Renovations #1

On Monday the updates I have been planning for my kitchen for the past few months started.  To prepare I moved all the kitchen items from my counter tops, emptied all the lower cabinets, pulled out all the drawers, and moved out all the furniture except for my table.  I also moved the refrigerator to the garage (with help of course) and unhooked the ice maker being careful to make sure the water was turned off at the pipe under the sink.  I did most of the prep the week before and left Friday morning for a weekend in Illinois  with my friend Leann.  Returned Sunday night to a house that smelled really bad, but I was too tired to think much about the cause.  Soon after the crew arrived Monday to tear out my tiles and carpet, I made a trip downstairs and discovered water in my drop ceiling again (yes this has happened before).  Turns out my ice maker line slowly dripped water onto the kitchen floor all weekend.  Wet floors, walls, drop ceiling, and carpets.  We have had loud fans going all week to dry things out and I long for quiet again (the kids and I can hardly hear each other talk).

Every time I walk past my newly decorated guest room I try to look the other way because it is full of kitchen items.  This can be tricky as I step over my dinning room rug and avoid running into the leaves for my table that are in the hallway outside the guest room door.

Guest Room

On Wednesday the crew showed up to tear out the counter tops, tile back splash, oven, stove top, and two cabinets.  They installed part of the new counter top and unpacked my new cabinets.  The crew wasn't able to come back Thursday or Friday, so I have been without a kitchen sink and am actually looking forward to washing dishes.  They kids and I have been eating leftovers heated in the microwave which is currently sitting on my desk.  Excited that tomorrow they are coming back to install the new cabinets and that the new floors should be installed Tuesday and Wednesday.  Not sure when everything will be done, but hoping to be able to start refilling my lower cabinets tomorrow evening so my house isn't so messy.

Kitchen-in progress

On Friday I picked up a new decorating book started reading it today.  Really enjoying it so far because it isn't about creating a perfect house it is about making wherever you live a "home."  I just finished reading this section and thought is was worth sharing with my female friends who like me may be constantly trying to figure out how to "improve"  or "perfect" various areas of your lives.

"Giving up is the first step to creating the home you love.  The goal of perfection does nothing but hold you back.  Giving up on trying to have the perfect house is a form of rest.  In her book Choosing Rest, Sally Breedlove says, "We find rest in the incompleteness of the present moment as we learn to recognize the goodness of what is and we trust that what is needed for the future will be added at the proper time."

Allowing things in our homes and in our lives to be incomplete, imperfect, and undone in some ways is a form of trust.  Can you give up and allow some imperfections in your life?

We get stuck in this way of thinking: 
I want to like my house, therefore I shall change it until I like it.
I want to like my body, therefore I shall change it until I like it.
I want to like my life, therefore I shall change it until I like it.

Instead of focusing on this way of thinking, what if you changed what you like?"

From: The Nesting Place by Myquillyn Smith p. 50