Looking Back

I wrote this post on our blog on June 24, 2010:
A New Journey
I started this blog to record cute tales about our kids and to share stories of our lives. Life continues to happen, but with it brings the busyness that has made blogging less of a priority. In April we sold our house in Leo, moved in with Zach’s parents for over a month, and were thankfully able to move into our new house in Bluffton in mid May. We were just starting to get settled again when God chose to open our eyes to a new journey He wants us to take. A journey that we are thankful we don’t have to face alone.

On June 12th Zach had a colonoscopy and after the procedure the Doctor shared with us that he had found a large growth in Zach’s lower colon that appeared to be cancerous. On Monday Zach had a CAT Scan and then on Tuesday received the news that the growth was cancer and that the CAT Scan showed spots in his liver and lungs. We met with an oncologist in Fort Wayne on Wednesday the 23rd and he ordered a PET Scan to verify the CAT Scan Results. Zach had to have a blood transfusion on Friday the 18th because his hemoglobin levels were too low. On Monday(21st) he had the PET Scan and on Tuesday (22nd) we met with Dr. Helft a specialist at Indiana University’s Simon Cancer Center. Dr. Helft verified that the cancer has moved from Zach’s colon to both his liver and his lungs, which means that Zach has Stage Four Colon Cancer. This type of cancer has no cure at this time, but we are thankful that there are chemo treatments effective in shrinking the cancer and preventing it from spreading. Research has shown that people receiving treatment for type four colon cancer live on an average of 2 ½ years and 1 in 8 live for 5 years.

Zach has an MRI on Friday the 25th and is scheduled to start chemotherapy on the 29th. Our hope is that the chemo will decrease the size of the tumor and also the pain that Zach is experiencing. Dr. Helft and his nurse are hopeful that Zach should be able to continue working and function fairly normally as he is given this first type of chemo. We are thankful to be working with medical professionals who along with being experienced in treating colon cancer have a great compassion for their patients and their families.

In the coming weeks we are hoping to be able to settle into a new routine. A routine that includes trips to Indianapolis every other week for chemo and tests every few months to evaluate the effectiveness of the treatment. We find our future very uncertain right now, but are thankful for the things we know are true. GOD is in control. HE will give us the strength to endure everything we will face. No matter what happens we can look forward to Heaven.

That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ: Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory: Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:7-9
 

Today:
As I reflect on where our family is at right now-I can see how three years later the kids and I are starting on yet another journey. A journey without the husband and father we love. We have had two weeks to process our loss and I am guessing it will take months, maybe even years for us to fully understand how to cope with loosing someone so important in our lives. Would I change what has happened to our family? I can honestly say “no.” I of course wish Zach won’t have suffered so much. The pain in the moment was hard on him, but he always went back to the thought that he would gladly suffer if God would use his suffering to bring more souls to Jesus. I take comfort knowing that He died with no regrets. Today Zach’s brother Brad sent the family a copy of a life purpose statement Zach wrote in January of 2009. The document was three pages long and I may share more of it later, but for now here is a little taste of what was in it:

What 50 things would I like to do before I die?
1. Adopt a child/children from another country
7. Use financial resources for spreading the gospel
19. Always serve Christ and have a “Kingdom Mindset”
27. Start up a business or ministry on the side at home with Jenny
35. Be at peace with all men
36. Show Compassion to orphans
37. Show Compassion to widows
38. Show Compassion to strangers (refugees)
43. Go on another work team to Haiti
44. Visit the children in Haiti that Jenny and I sponsor
48. Be known as an encourager
49. Have a “good name” to pass down to my children
50. Be faithful to Christ ‘til death

Also on this list were things he wanted to do with the kids and I, professional goals, personal development goals, and places he wanted to visit. I remember reading this list after he wrote it and giving him my thoughts. When I read through the list today, I was amazed by God’s faithfulness to Zach. Zach could have never imagined the way that God would choose to use his life and how so many of the most important things on his list could be accomplished.

Just as I wrote three years ago, I am thankful we don’t have to travel this journey alone. Our family, friends, church family, and believers from all over the United States and even in other countries have blessed our family more than we could have ever imagined in the last three years. There has been pain, doubts, and tears. Through it all our GREAT GOD has been faithful. I find our future uncertain right now, but I am thankful for the things I know are true. GOD is in control. HE will give our family the strength to endure everything we will face. HE has been so faithful to our family in the past and has allowed CHRIST’S NAME to be glorified through the work HE has given us to do. No matter what happens we can look forward to Heaven where we will be united with our SAVIOR, our HEAVENLY FATHER, and loved ones who have gone before us (including Zach).

Trusting in Jesus,
Jenny