A post I wrote on November 13, 2011, but never made public.
I haven’t blogged very much lately because I struggle with what to write. I feel like the past six months more than any other time in my life has brought so much pain and so much frustration. I can be peacefully going about my day and then have my emotions thrown into upheaval by a phone call or conversation. I have felt so helpless to influence or make a difference in people’s lives when their grief and anguish is so great. Watching Zach battle cancer and deal with pain has been tough and seeing other people I love and care about hurt because of relationship problems, poor decisions, and sin has added to the burden that I long to escape. I can testify that I get through each day not on my own strength or even my own prayers, but instead the grace of God and the faithful prayers of other people. Just today Zach shared with a church that our trails can be used to glorify God and to bring people to God’s kingdom. I am so thankful that the Cancer Redemption Project gives me a wonderful glimpse of how God is using Zach’s cancer. In other situations, I struggle to see how God can use the many broken pieces for His Gory. I have to remind myself that He is the author of Healing. He can change broken hearts and lives. He can work miracles in even the darkest situations.
Today (Jan. 16, 2012):Please pray that I can face the reality of my life with courage, it is so easy to try to escape when the pain gets to be more than I feel I can bear. When I am not trying to escape, I often focus on surviving the here and now (laundry, cleaning the house, keeping the kids from hurting each other, making it through another day). While the day to day tasks need done, I believe God wants more from me. He wants me further His kingdom by striving to encourage and bless others. Satan wants me to be in survival and escape mode, so I am not the Christian, wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend God wants me to be. I want more, so my prayer is that God will show me how to focus on Him and teach me to be the Woman He wants me to be.
12 comments:
oh, Jenny. thank you for sharing your heart. i was, am, and will be praying for you.
Nichole said it perfectly. Me, too.
it's good to hear where you're at. praying for all of you.
thank you for sharing your heart. we will continue to pray. love, mandy
Such a convicting post Jenny. Thanks for the reminder for myself. Praying for you and the family daily. Love you.
We will continue to pray. I don't understand the ways of God, and my faith is very weak at times, but I pray that He will lift you up in your time of need.
Jenny, Love you, thanks for sharing your heart. We pray and think of you both daily.
Love the klines
We have been and will continue to lift you and your family in prayer. Thanks for your honesty - we sometimes wonder how you are doing. Take courage - God is still with you, and sees even the times you need His strength when dealing with the squabbles of children or the frustration of yet more laundry, AND, when dealing with seeing someone you love so much struggle. We love you!
Jenny,
I love your heart and your willingness to share the "real" with all of us. Thank you.
Love and prayers,
Sarah
appreciate your heart jenny!
we are praying for you & for God's glory!!
Jenny,
It is so true once again that when one part of the body suffers we all suffer with it.
May you try to put your effort in worshipping and glorifying him and let God take care of the millions of things you can't begin to deal with.
Prayers for your day and your life.
Barb
Jen, wish I could give you a BIG hug right now!! Miss you. Praying for you and your family.
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